That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Randomize