my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
porn star boner night. come get it.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
