I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
