Whatcha textin bout Willis?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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