We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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