I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
