is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
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