You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
