in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
