i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
