at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
