Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
