3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
