It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize