Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
