So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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