I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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