Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
