I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
