Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize