Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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