jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Randomize