I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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