Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
