mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
