im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
You can't motorboat a personality
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Damn victory sex feels great
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