We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
