I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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