apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
