I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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