You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
