I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
