While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
