dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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