I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
This toilet bowl is my home.
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