You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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