Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
did i just pee glitter
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
