I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
