You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
