She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Randomize
