Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
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