i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
