I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
