Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
my poor anus
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
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