Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
