The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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