careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
