so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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