I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
