I skipped work to stalk him.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
