im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
