as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
You were trust falling into bushes
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
