Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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