No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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