Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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