You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
