Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
