I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
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