RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
