My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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