Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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