i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
