i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
