fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
