I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
