I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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