Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
