8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
