The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize