I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
