just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
