he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
