I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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