wakey wakey hands off snakey
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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