This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
