Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
