why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Randomize
