you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Randomize
