I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
