just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
