I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
