So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
