i don't plan on having that self control this summer
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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