New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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