drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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