i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
