I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
