haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
